Bless Your Heart
It’s complicated
“Bless your heart.”
This is my absolute favorite southernism. Of course, “Butter my butt and call me a biscuit” runs a close second, but “bless your heart” is the best response to so many things. And adding, “I’ll pray for you”, well, that’s reserved for dealing with a whole new level of, well… whatever!
Just to clarify, I did not grow up in the southern portion of the United States. I’ve only spent about 1/3 of my life in the South, but from the very first experience, it stuck with me. Even during 18 years in provincial New England, I still felt tied to the South. Thankfully, I’ve made my way back and I’m now here to stay.
Truly, “Bless your heart” can be an authentic, heartfelt expression… but not always. And how do you know? Honestly, you don’t. But if you have to ask, then consider yourself prayed for.
Anyway, working in customer service as many years as I have, I’ve come across quite a few colorful people. Who have warranted a “Bless your heart”. And many of whom I’ve prayed for as well.
I once worked with a new manager who had just moved from California to Tennessee. In one of our conversations he mentioned how much friendlier folks were in Tennessee than his home state, and how he often heard “bless your heart” especially from older women he was assisting. I chuckled, and he was obviously confused, I had to explain to him the nature of “bless your heart”. He laughed and was gracious, knowing that he likely fell into the “needing prayer” end of the bless-your-heart-spectrum.
If you’ve never had a southerner tell you “bless your heart”, that doesn’t mean you’ve passed through life unscathed. Consider some of the variations (and if you’ve heard these, then you’ve likely not only been blessed but prayed for as well):
Well ain't that sweet.
Good thing you’re pretty!
Aren't you just special!
Oh… honey…
Well, you tried…
It’s Complicated
So how do you respond to “bless your heart”, or any of its variations?
If it’s said with sincerity, a simple “Thank you ma’am” (or sir) is appropriate.
If there’s a bit of a jab in their voice, a smile and chuckle lets the other person know you understand your faux pas.
If it’s said with condescension, simply nod, smile, and change the subject as soon as your cotton pickin’ little heart can.
It’s complicated. Listening to inflections in the voice and actually paying attention to the conversation is important. (This is “active listening” which I talk about a bit in my upcoming book* on mindfulness). If you’re not sure, simply nod and smile and consider yourself prayed for.
*Here’s an excerpt from book #3 (coming in 2024):
“Being in conversation is part talking and part listening. Too often we spend our listening time thinking of what we will say next. Practice being present with your entire mind and body while fully listening to the other person without thinking of your next words or responses. Just listen.”
Coming soon! Book 3 in the Life Management 101 series. Stay tuned for details and check out the first two books on Amazon while you’re waiting.
Oh my God I once spent two weeks with a bunch of elderly Brits and they kept saying 'Aw, bless'. I thought it was something endearingly, but maybe.. it... wasn't? I've used it often myself ever since... My life has been a lie.