The Perfect Relationship

On instant gratification and high expectations

Disclaimer: the perfect relationship doesn’t exist.

What does exist are priorities, compatibility, mutual respect, and love (not necessarily in that order).

I’ve listened to a lot of (mostly younger, but some older like myself) people talking about dating and relationships. The consensus seems to be that they can’t find their “perfect match” so they’re ready to give up. They say it’s not like it was in the good old days so why bother?

There’s always this thing or that thing wrong with the people they meet. And, if they can’t check all the boxes, then it’s a no-go. I can only feel sad, and a bit frustrated for them.

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My significant other and I met when we were both over 50. Our kids are all grown and some even have kids of their own. We’d both been through “the dating scene” and were pretty much at the point of giving up. At one point during one of our first dates (it might have been the first, in fact), he said to me, “This is it. One and done. Either we’re both all in, or not.”

That spoke volumes to me and suddenly it all made sense! Yes, I was definitely all in. Life’s too short to not make a relationship work. The key is “making it work”. It takes effort.

That’s not to say we haven’t had disagreements. After almost 4 years, we’re still figuring things out. And I don’t think that will ever end. We’ve both lived through a variety of major life events, different lifestyles, and know that we will continue to evolve, together and separately. But we’re both “all in” and decided that we’re willing to figure it out as we go and enjoy life as much as possible.

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So what happened to…

• getting to know someone and accepting your differences as well as finding your similarities?

• overlooking insignificant habits (you both have them) and seeing deeper into someone?

• making an effort to make it work?

Now, I’m not talking about ignoring glaring red flags or changing who you are for someone else. But I feel like the expectations have gotten out of hand. The expectations of perfect looks with perfect job and no baggage or history.

Society has us brainwashed to embrace unrealistic expectations. We want the easy money, easy life, and easy relationship. And if we don’t have that we’re doing something wrong.

Life and relationships are perfect in their imperfection.

And my advice for both life and relationships, decide to go all in and make it perfect on your own terms.

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If you’d like to explore how you best operate in the world, let’s chat about your Human Design and see how it might help you find the tools you need for creating the peace and calm we all need in life.

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